Pregnancy loss awareness month is here. As I endure my second miscarriage, I imagine the babies I'll never hold in my arms. Just beneath my hand there was a life. Not once but twice this year. There were two little lights burning bright. Bearing so much joy, so much hope, so many dreams of little fingers and feet, life lessons and growth. Two lights ignited by love that one day just went out, for no known reason, taking all of the hope and dreams with them.
As it is getting dark in this heart of mine, I am only comforted by the fact that I am not alone.
I am reminded never to judge a book by its cover. On the outside I'm a free spirited singer & swimwear model and I need to "enjoy it while you can, you won't be able to perform/model/travel once you have kids" and on the inside, in an instant - I would trade the stage for lullabies and this bikini body/passport in for a real chance to have a healthy baby.
I am reminded how important it is to be kind, more than anything, because you never know what someone is going through.
I thank organizations like Hospice of Kona for our community pregnancy and infant loss event last night. It was beautiful. And for powerful movements like @ihadamiscarriage for openly sharing the stories of many women experiencing this heart wrenching type of loss. I thank those women for their strength, honesty, and willingness to speak up and raise awareness about something nobody talks about. A persons a person no matter how small. Suffering in silence is unbearable and unnecessary.
I thank the people in my life for being there, for understanding, for planning and unplanning with me, and for loving me more than I can fathom - you know who you are. I thank my husband for everything above and so much more. You make getting out of bed in the morning (or any time of day) seem possible. I grieve deeply today. This month. This year. But like the Phoenix rises from the ashes, with all of the love that I feel in my soul - I know I can and I will, eventually, rise again. ❤️👼🏼🙏🏼 #ihadamiscarriage #pregnancyloss #1in4 #breakthestigma #speakyourtruth #infertility #pregnancylossawareness #unsilenced #waveoflight #neverforgotten